Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
i would punch a child for taco bell
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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