Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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