drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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