It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
