I met the friendliest cop last night
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Randomize
