your parents love me but you hate me
her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
