I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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