I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
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