In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
