i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
