I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
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