i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
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