my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
