sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
