new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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