Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
