You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
