Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
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