im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
