All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
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