I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Randomize
