oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
its not stalking. its research.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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