Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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