If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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