NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
