I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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