New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Randomize
