What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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