your thong is hanging out like whoa
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
