Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Be still, my beating vagina.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
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