You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Come back. Shots need mouths.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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