i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
