yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
