Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
