My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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