Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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