I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
