He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
