so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Randomize
