I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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