toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
