As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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