Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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