Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
