normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
