Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
