I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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