toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
