Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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