Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
