Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
