i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
