She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
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