Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
