You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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