She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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