i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Randomize
