I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
