I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
