He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I'm at about main and main street
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
