The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Randomize
