i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Your penis caused this!
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
