k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
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