i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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