Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
