There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
So squirting runs in the family.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
