I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
