benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
