Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
