East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
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