i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Randomize
