I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
