she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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