i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize