Fine. I'll sleep in my office
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Randomize
