This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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