So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
