Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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