Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Randomize
