if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
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