She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
